11:15pm - We saw the lung doctor today. My mom's breathing hasn't gotten any better, so tomorrow they'll do a paracentesis at TB to drain all the fluid (ascites) from the abdominal cavity. The fluid around the lungs is basically gone right now, so they're not sure why her breathing hasn't improved. She's out of breath after a set of stairs or puttering around the kitchen for a few minutes. A possibility might be that the abdominal fluid is pushing the diaphragm up, so they'll see if taking some of that out will improve things.
I've also been pondering work more. I basically haven't been in to the office for a month, and with the six weeks that I get for my leave, I'm thinking I should maybe save some for after the surgery. At the same time, my mind's so not in it to go back to work right now and I'm really reevaluating what's worthwhile in work. I don't want something where I go into the office on a Monday morning and already feel stressed. Life's too short; one needs to do things that you enjoy. I feel confident now to say no to the crap. I don't do weekends, and I don't torture myself to meet their unrealistic expectations for deadlines when I'm not given a proper team to complete the tasks. I need something that offers flexibility and something that's maybe less than 40 hours a week.
For the past week I feel that I've been doing really well. I figure a whole lot of baby steps will amount to bigger things, so these are some successes from the last few days:
- Eating healthier - more lettuce and cutting out processed foods
- Really slowing down - slow walks, becoming more patient, stopping to smell the roses (almost literally)
- Expanding my horizons - taking up new hobbies, building up a network in Canmore, working through a chapter in a book each night
- Combating my fears - heading into backcountry places on my own and in the dark
- Exercising almost every day
- Sleep - no sleeping pill for a week now
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