Remembering, Hoping

This year marks the three-year anniversary of a friend's suicide.  That event stumped us all - he was a caring, loving father, the last person you would ever expect something like this from.  I remember him telling me about his trip to New York, and later stopping me on the stairs to announce that they were expecting their first child.  From the outside they were the 'perfect family'.  What went on inside his mind we will never know.  He had worked in healthcare before architecture and would have known what resources are out there to turn to for help.  Was this something that overcame him quickly, or was it something planned?  I still think of him and his family often.

A couple of months ago another friend brought up suicide.  Immediately a chill overcame me, a very sick feeling.  Do I call 911 to send some help?  I knew they wouldn't like that, but at least they'd be alive.  I used my judgment, believing there could be some time and they pulled through.  With all this near-death stuff of last year, there have even been dark days when I felt in despair.  However, an exercise I've been using for work - give things two weeks before making any drastic decisions - always helps.  Things that seem completely bleak one day miraculously end up ok after that time.  I've had Dr. R. tell me that one can generally deal with a crisis (i.e., major health issue, death in the family, etc.) every two or three years; I had six over a span of two years.  In the end I learned that we are all stronger than we may believe.  We simply cannot just walk away from things.

I hope I'll be able to see that same strength in my friend and that they can trust that people are genuinely there to help, to support them in whatever they need for the long run - the resources are out there.  It's ok to feel vulnerable, it's ok to ask for help, but it's not ok to give up on yourself.  The social worker knows about them.  I didn't give any identifying details, but she made it very clear that I must contact someone if I don't have complete reassurance from my friend that they are no threat to themselves, or if there is any doubt about their emotional well-being.  And knowing her I guess she'll want an update the next time.