A Spark

I just had a very long conversation with a former boss.  We hadn't caught up since the fall, so there was lots to be said.  And while I thought that perhaps he may talk about jobs that are out there, what I got was far more valuable.  He reads people inside out, and it didn't take long for him to say that you need to take time for yourself.  Take a sabbatical.  Don't plan anything for when you come back - travel, study photography, recharge.  As simple as that.  It's what friends have been trying to tell me all along.  Don't worry about the money - that's a renewable resource, but time is not.  I don't have a family to tie me down, and I can't keep doing the work of three people.  And he said (just as he told me a year ago) that once all this medical stuff is under control, I'll need some extended time to recharge.  That's exactly how I'm feeling now.  He's gone through a similar experience, so we're on the same wavelength there.  But, what's stopping me?  What is society doing to us to make us greedy for money, to think that work is more important than everything else, to meet all of our commitments, at the price of neglecting ourselves?  I think I needed to hear that.   So, complete randon and in no particular order, what would be the things I want to do if I were to take off?

I want to:

• Sit by a lake.
• Have quiet.
• See the sunset.
• Hike in the Dolomites.
• Trek to Everest Base Camp.
• See Africa.
• See Vietnam and Thailand.
• Work with kids.
• Be healthy.
• Sit in the desert.
• Take a photography course.
• Maybe a cooking class in Europe.
• Walk barefoot in the sand.
• Have a child sit on my lap.
• Visit places I grew up around.
• Sit in on some out there lectures.  Astronomy? Bio labs?
• Experience normal.  Happiness. Contentment.
• Escape the rat race.

And so for the first time in a long while I felt a spark.  He sensed that I was feeling drained from work (which, I had to tell him, was partially due because I've taken on his things in addition to a bunch of other stuff), and that I need to do things that I've never done before.  I grew up being taught that school and work are everything, graduating, getting two degrees, and working - non-stop, with never a break for myself.  Anything less than straight A's was not acceptable.  If you didn't study every day, you were a slacker.  If you were to take a long vacation you'd be a slacker.  And while we (buddy coworkers and I) would roll our eyes when this former boss would tell us the most bizaare things (three years ago he told me I should have my eggs frozen - because it would be a shame if I never had kids), his way of getting into people's minds seems to be some powerful ability.  Never one to be shy to suggest anything, he told me that it's not helping that my friends from school now have their own families or have moved.  I need a man in my life.  Um, yes sir.  And maybe - just maybe - the insight I got from him tonight, and which I needed to hear, is really something I need to do.  Maybe it's why I feel I've been struggling as to how to move forward - because I feel utterly and completely drained.

A spark.  That's my start.