Springing into fall

The last couple of weeks have been good – it’s nice to be back in the city, to settle back into a routine, see old people again, try new things (yoga, food, etc.), and sometimes just walk down the street with no destination in mind, just enjoying the stroll. Right now it’s all about balance and keeping things in check. Being back here also means that it was time for me to check in with the social worker again and assess how things have been going since I started seeing her. I guess someone’s been keeping tabs on how I’ve been doing, so I was happy to learn that I’ve come a long way, am sticking with the ‘good’ habits, and generally am where I need to be. Excellent progress apparently, so now I just need to continue to stick with it.  Living positively, even amid challenges, is a good thing :-).

However, Az. suggests that there is one area I keep working on, and that is in regards to Little B.  I agree with her on that, as it's been popping into my mind much more often again since the 'birthday'.  I’m internalizing it too much, which isn’t good.  Last time I saw her she gave me the task of discussing it with M. if at all possible, as being able to discuss it in a supportive manner with those affected brings the best closure.  We had dinner a while ago when he brought it up out of the blue, but I was surprised and felt very vulnerable that I didn't feel ready to discuss it.  I was afraid I'd be a mess and then not feel supported afterwards.  He said something about being my safe house for it; the rest is a blur.  Somehow I get the sense that he'd rather just let it be, to not discuss it, and I respect that.  I'm not going to bring it up, but I do admit that it would be nice to feel some support, even indirectly.  As I've always said, it's the little things that make a big difference - a two-minute phone call to ask if you have your TV turned to something, just asking how your day went, little things that just tell one you're not out there alone.  So, moving on, Az. said that I am progressing through the stages of adjustment (even if it's taking months) and am currently in the guilt stage.  After that is supposed to come forgiveness, followed by peace.  I guess statistically speaking I'm 3/4 there.  Time will help with the rest, and she also noted that I could take those pills that my Dr. prescribed if I felt the need to.  Gotta stay positive, so I'll try to do without those.  Two weeks to my next appointment, and I'm already looking forward to that and seeing where that brings me :-)

As for other positives, I've decided to go for 24 hours of photography.  I have Friday off work, so thought I could go to a B&B somewhere within an hour or two of the city.  Well, the ones that I like (and which are on the cheaper side) are booked (on a Thursday night!?!?!), so I've decided to finally get in my night of camping this year.  I'm packing the car tonight, so after work tomorrow I'm off to Waiparous for a night of sleeping-in-the-car camping (the back folds totally flat, so it's not like sleeping in a seat).  With the weather finally great, I'm hoping to be able to shoot some star trails, as well as fall leaves.  Can't wait to wake up with the crisp air and 'hearing' the quiet of being outside of the city.

Here's a photo taken downtown this evening.  Very pretty with the leaves!