Life

Life is a precious thing and nothing makes one appreciate that more than coming close to losing it.  One great lesson I've learned over the past two years is appreciating the little things: seeing the leaves turn colour, feeling the wind, being able to walk down the street.  Being able to do things makes us incredibly lucky.  Having a meal together, sitting down, tasting it and appreciating it. Smiling is good for us, and when we're well within, the rest seems to just fall in place.

I've gotten quite sidetracked at times, first losing the little one, and now a renewed battle with cancer for my mom.  It has been challenging, and feels like a full-time job on top of my job.  And yet I feel a committment to be there, to help, to not walk away from the difficult times.  You make compromises, you stick together, and you make it through. I have since gotten the unfortunate news from my doctor that I may no longer be able to have children of my own.  It makes me sad for sure, so I've turned to other ways to fulfil some of that dream - I can volunteer with kids or balance my career with some work in that field.

Often I wonder when I'll get a break, to have a weekend to 'just be' and to take a trip that I can fully relax into.  Sometimes that makes me feel selfish. I booked Tofino and it's given me strength, even though I won't be able to go now.  I feel guilty for wanting a break.  There is a recurring theme though, one that heals: we need to slow down, we need to experience nature, experience the little things.  I used to worry about work stresses, but all those things are so minor though.  I guess with major life challenges you learn, and I have been fortunate to learn this now, making me stronger for later.  This morning I came across an article on appreciating life, and, not surprisingly, found the things I figured out myself on the list:

Appreciating Life:

• Write in a journal about what you're grateful for. This puts things into perspective, especially on difficult days.  There's still so much that we do have: a safe home, water, clean air, the beauty of a sunrise, of overall living in a great place.
• Laugh each and every day.  This just makes you feel good. And don't they say that smiling is good for 17 muscles in your face, while frowning is only good for one? Heck, talk to a stranger on the train, make someone smile in the morning.
• Spend time with children. There's something about the little ones that creates wonder. It's refreshing to see the world through their eyes, to learn, to see the joy of a butterfly, and to live in the moment.
• Think positively to make a difference.  I've done a lot of reading of inspirational material, trying new meditations, and drawing positives from things around us. We can let nature and outside things guide us. A strange 'gift' that I seem to have gotten these past two years is an amazingly accurate intuition. I 'saw' the cancer a couple of days before the original diagnosis, told a friend that she's pregnant before she even knew herself, and have, in some twisted way, been able to predict every bear I saw out in the mountains over this time.  On three occassions something just 'told' me to change lanes in traffic; and in all three of those cases an accident occurred in the lane I was previously in.  Now I pay attention to dreams.
• Notice the wonder of nature. This is the big one for me. It teaches us survival and makes us appreciate that we are just a small piece of everything that's out there. Nature creates wonder: the awe of standing atop a mountain, feeling the warm spring sun, and experiencing places that not many people get to. The sound of crickets chirping, hearing a babbling creek, hearing the wind in the trees - how relaxing!
• Slow down. Life can feel like a race, and this is perhaps the most challenging item for me. From the time I get up to the time I go to bed, it's go-go-go. I walk into the office and am bombarded with meetings, e-mails, phone calls, and my team asking questions. Run some meetings, review things on site, write reports; usually that means no time for lunch. Yet I have found that if I can get an hour for myself before bed it's a big difference; I feel more rested, more ready for the next day.
• Help others. Probably don't need to elaborate this one. I tend to put others ahead of myself, in turn often neglecting my own needs.
• Read more here: How to Appreciate Life | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_2050577_appreciate-life.html#ixzz1tMQP24Jv

Lastly, a while ago I decided on some things that I'll want to do for myself. This is becoming the beginning of my bucket list.

Bucket List:

• Visit Vancouver Island and veg out. Try kayaking (even though water scares me). Take a tour to learn about sea life in that tidal (or is it intertidal?) zone.
• Walk in the rain and get soaked.
• Take a flying lesson.
• See Half Dome.
• Join Big Brothers Big Sisters. Take a little girl camping.
• Hike the West Coast Trail.
• Take mountaineering camp.
• Take Outward Bound's Mindfulness in the Mountains.
• Have a slumber party (even if 20 years late).
• Visit Wells Gray.
• Try rock climbing.
• Get married.
• And always live with balance :-).