Perhaps it's been especially hard for me, being threatened to not have the little one over a year ago. I was attached to that child and letting go tore me apart. My ex-boyfriend and I haven't spoken since that fateful day, but when I woke up this morning, realizing it's his birthday, I finally began to understand: perhaps it was financial issues that would have proven a challenge, perhaps he didn't know how to explain another child, or perhaps he just felt scared. I wished we could have talked about a decision together, but after him threatening to take his life if I didn't follow through with that, I let go to save his, wanting nothing but a simple 'thank you' in return.
And perhaps the pain has gone on for too long. I cannot change the past, and I feel terrible for mistakes I've made. But I do understand that there is a sense of maturity perhaps that goes along with being able to forgive. I can do that now. I won't keep this as a deep dark secret, and have started to share this with some friends. Getting it out helps.
Also on this day, I wish that I could just have a minute to tell this person how I feel. The chances of them ever stumpling across this are virtually zero, but here it is, for whenever it may be read.
Thank you for the good times we've shared together - our first backpacking trip, the road trips, the BBQs, and just being together without the need to say a word.An interesting article is located here: http://zenhabits.net/how-to-let-go-and-forgive/
Thank you for showing me balance - that one really can take a happy-go-lucky approach to life.
And thank you for giving me the nudge to cook - I get the hint after getting cookbooks for Christmas :-).
Be proud of how far you've made it - starting a new life here, and working your way up.
Be proud of your little girl - she's so full of life, so smart, and the most beautiful thing to see when waking up.
And thank you for having given me a chance to be with my little angel.
These difficult times have made me stronger, and I hope that you, too, will find more strength.
All the Best to you and little Miss P.
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