Planning

I didn't get much sleep that night.  Monday was approaching and I didn't really know what to do after one's death.  I started by going to a funeral home and was pleasantly surprised.  R. made me feel reviewed by stating that he would take care of certain paperwork (the medical examiner's papers, the certificate allowing for cremation, death certificate, organizing the ad for the local paper, down to things that are needed for the government).  He fed me just whatever info I needed at the time, and he is available around the clock.  It felt comforting; this wasn't someone trying to sell you everything under the sun, and instead he just gently guides you along the way. 

We choose a simple wooden casket for the cremation and a bamboo urn for the remains.  The cremation was done in another town, which also suited me fine as that way I wouldn't be driving by a local crematorium and have those memories.  The weather all week has been beautiful, so I viewed it as my mom having gone on a last journey before returning to the mountains.  The bamboo urn reminds me of the bamboo forests through which we walked in Hawaii.  Lucky bamboo.

For as long as I can remember, my mom always said that she disliked the thought of being below the earth.  Much to my surprise, the local cemetery has a columbarium where one can place an urn.  We found a beautiful spot facing the same way as the nook at home where she always sat overlooking the valley.  It's also a nice on the end, the end closest to home, so in a way she'll be just down the street when I am there.  The inscription will be simple and will have a pot of flowers.  We always had those on the window sill as I grew up, and even had it here.  I hope she'll like it.

And now, one week later, life will take on yet another new 'normal'.  I've made it through my first holiday (Easter) without her.  To mark a week since her death, I'll be lighting a candle on yet another beautiful clear, crisp night, joined by others.  The light of which she told me around that Christmas fire will take on a new meaning.  ♥